Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
