I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Boobs speak an international language.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
