dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
