Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
