she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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