my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
