I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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