Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize