Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
