is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
