I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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