She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
