There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Houston, we have a squirter
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.