sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do vagina's smell?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number