I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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