It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
