Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.