dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
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I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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