Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
