I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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