I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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