So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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