there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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