oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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