I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is it penis luge time yet?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
