jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
