I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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