i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
