hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
