Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
wow bdsm is so cute
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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