every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
