Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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