i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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