everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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