giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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