Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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