I look better un-naked...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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