Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
