ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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