I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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