yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
