Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just puked most of my soul out..
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