I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
