The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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