think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
