i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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