I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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