i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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