Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
