Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
