the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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