White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
