I need to stop coming to work sober
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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