its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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