I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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