If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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