toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
