I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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