Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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