I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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