oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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