I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
