I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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