You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
