Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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