were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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