a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
