Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
