I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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