I think I won the penis lottery.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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